So the weekend has been really good overall. I am pleasantly surprised at how well I am doing handling the food thing. I truly do believe this is the ONLY way I would or could ever lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off....because there is no way I would ever have had the willpower to handle the situations I did this weekend. NO WAY. The ONLY thing keeping me from doing it is the sheer terror of getting sick, or screwing up my stomach to the point of having another surgery. I can't say I am ready to say I did the right thing, although I do feel much better about it. I am down about 35 pounds but I would still trade it for a big cheeseburger right this very second.
Alot of people say that after surgery they dont think about food as much...or care about it at all. That has not been the case for me, at all. Maybe in time, it's still so early. I cant believe it's been 2 weeks today. I find that food consumes my thoughts all day long. Before I actually didnt think about it half as much because I knew I could have what i wanted and I was going to eat it no matter what. Now I am constantly thinking about what is in the house, what i would eat if I could, what everyone around me is eating, and I am transferring my obsession with my next meal to everyone else. Which I am sure is really annoying so I am trying to lay off. I keep trying to micro manage everyone's food, asking them what are they going to have for dinner? What should i take out to defrost, what side dishes do they want with it? No one else seems to care about it in the least- except for me. I guess I am trying to live through everyone around me. Also the left overs are driving me CRAZY. I can't stand wasted food- one of the things that got me in trouble in the first place and no one is eating any of the stuff i would usually be happily chowing down.
Not only do I love left overs, I might even like them better than the original meal. I like to get creative with them and dream up a second fabulous dish to try and top the first. Sitting in the fridge this weekend after all the bbq's and eating out, were 2 huge slices of cheese pizza, a big piece of marinated grilled chicken, olive and rosemary oven fries, a big dish of leftover ziti with meatsauce, and about a half a pound of baked ham. Everytime I open the fridge to get one of my protein drinks, it all taunts me, even though I know its not even a possibility. So I kept nagging everyone (Lew, my parents and Nick) to eat the stuff. But every meal they wanted something new. MADDENING! Ok I have to let that go now.
I am especially proud of the fact that I had a great time at my brother's BBQ yesterday. The food was plentiful and smelled amazing...but I stayed busy talking to everyone and playing with the kids. I did bring a treat for myself, but it backfired on me. I decided to try a South Beach chocolate truffle mousse cup...sugar free of course...that i found at the supermarket. It comes under the sugar free pudding category of this stage of the diet that I am allowed, so I was excited to try it.
Lesson learned- don't experiment outside the home. I think I may have experience my first dumping episode. It wasn't as bad as many I have read and heard about....but it wasn't pleasant. First of all, if you haven't had WLS, run dont walk and buy these asap. 60 calories of nirvana...it was amazing. So good, that I think I forgot about my new restriction and ate it too fast. Thank god it was really small. I think it was about 4 ounces but I immediately realized I ate WAY too much, too fast, but too late. I sort of felt faint, and my heart was racing. I broke out in a cold sweat and had to run to the bathroom. Thank god it wasn't that bad but I had to chill out and catch my breath for awhile. So although it was so yummy, I was thinking, now why would i waste my time eating that when I need to get in more protein and I have so little time and room each day? I have to make sure every bite counts. Well Lew is happy because now he can eat all the sugar free mousse and pudding cups I bought!
Another great day today...although the hits just keep on coming. Lew Nick and I went to Stage Fort Park in Gloucester...and it was fantastic. I have been going to Gloucester for years to Good Harbor beach, but had never been to this spot. It was perfect with a toddler, because there is so much to do and you get to enjoy the ocean without baking on the sand all day. Nick loved the playgrounds, and we climbed lots of rocks and saw some gorgeous views of the water, boats and lighthouses.
We went down to the beach and collected rocks and shells and then Nick spotted the clam shack. I of course had seen it and smelled it the minute we arrived on scene!
The fried seafood and lobster rolls were almost too much to bear, but Nick had an icecream and we sat at the picnic table and I survived.
I spoke to my online bypass buddy Debbie in Lake Ontario today. We met on a WLS website and had our surgeries scheduled for the same day. I was so happy to talk with her about our experiences. She is doing really well...and is getting in about the same numbers as me for fluid and protein which reassured me, as I have been nervous that I am lagging. She is way ahead of me in the diet stages department though...her doctor seems very lenient and she is already having eggs, mashed potatoes and purees, which sounds like nirvana to me. Well it will all happen in time...better safe than sorry...especially with my track record.
So I see Dr. Ameri tomorrow to get my staples out- I cant wait. I have many questions for him and Louise so I hope I can get some things figured out. I am feeling pretty good and today I was able to get in about 200 calories so that is about double what I have been averaging. I am anxious to find out if that is acceptable at this point because the dietician at the hospital told me I should be aiming for 600 minimum and that seems insane to me right now. I could never get it down.
A few observations: I noticed I was able to cross my legs very easily this weekend which was a good feeling. My clothes are definitely fitting me better- if not loose, they are fitting right and hanging nicely- and I realize I was probably wearing them way too tight- horrifying thought. I finally remembered to put my wedding rings back on and they slid right on- I nearly had to chop my fingers off to get them off for the surgery. And at the risk of burying the lead....it is so truly bizarre to not spend half my day peeing. For those of you who know me well, you know I have always had a major bladder problem, no matter what size I was. Well it's gone! I probably only go about 3 times a day total...and it is just FOREIGN to me! I was so used to always doing my pee dance, scoping out bathrooms in every store, restaurant, public place imaginable, and yes even wetting my pants on many occasions. It is such a relief to not worry about that anymore! I hope it lasts as I try and improve my fluid intake.
Thought for the day- it is actually a Memorial Day quote I saw today but I think it could be applied to many situations...
"Valor grows by daring, fear by holding back.”
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