Girls Weekend Gone Bad

Well I promised to share this journey in its entirety so here we go. I was so excited for girls weekend - going to the Berkshires for 2 nights. It started out great...fun drive up, awesome house, hanging on the porch and just chatting and sipping wine. Then we went out and excessive alcohol does some very strange things to some people. To make a very long story as short as possible let's just say one of the girls wanted to bring this weirdo scary guy back to our house late night and I wanted no part of it. I have had it with this crap. We are 40 years old now, I am married with a kid to think about. I cant have some creep hanging around in the house I rented and put a security deposit on. So I refused to drive him back to the house. It got ugly. He finally got out of the car and then it got uglier. I got in a bad fight with the girl who wanted to have him over and ended up going to get my stuff and storming out. I drove home and got home at 2:45am. I almost fell asleep a few times and it was awful. I was and am so upset about the entire drama. I feel like its a nightmare and I am going to wake up soon. But unfortunately it happened and I know that one of the "friendships" is definitely over. I hope to salvage the other one but it will take time and I am not sure, as I have definitely drifted from that person as well. The 2 girls are single, and we have never really had a big problem staying connected since I got married. I dont see them that often, but when we do it involved alot of eating and drinking. Now that those things dont interest me, and cant be on my agenda, i feel that we have nothing in common.

It was funny to live like that in my 20's and even in my 30's- they pulled the same exact thing at my bachelorette party come to think of it and that was a scene too. In fact I dont know if I have every been out with this one particular person and not had a drama to deal with. Its exhausting and the friendship is draining my energy. That cant be a good thing- so I am done. I have too many great friends to waste time on people who dont respect me. I think you just outgrow people sometimes, and while it is sad, especially when you have alot of history and many good times, you have to know when to let go.

So I am happy to be back home with the boys. No sleeping in, spa, shopping or vegging out for me, but i'd rather be home with the people who love me then putting up with that nonsense. My family and personal safety come first...I stand by my decision, even though I know they are bad mouthing me and making fun of me for being nervous about it.

I'll be able to go to a birthday party with Nick and Lew today at a farm so that will be great. It's funny, you think you cant wait to get away and escape your life, and then you realize, you were already in the perfect place. Maybe it took this drama to show me that.

I came across this blog by author Taylor Horak while thinking about this today...it made me feel better because I think alot of people go through this...and it is very painful, but normal.

"When you lose someone, it sometimes feels like you've lost part of yourself as well. Many people, especially younger ones, feel defined by their peers, and even more so by their intimate friends. By becoming close to anyone, you put yourself at risk, you make yourself vulnerable. You open up facets of your being that even you might not see to scrutiny. You allow others to tell you who you are, to help mold you. You become someone new with them. Some people act differently around different people, almost as if these different groups are outlets for different characteristics in them. But when that outlet is gone, you're left with a void, a missing facet of your personality. The friends I've lost have left such holes in me, wounds that can never be completely healed. No one can touch you, shape you, or understand you as much as an intimate friend can. Losing someone so close can cause damage, can shut you off to other possibilities. That's why outgrowing a friend is truly a harsh, and defining moment in a person's life. You're not only outgrowing them, you're out growing part of yourself as well."