Well Nick got up at 4:45am today...and declared that he was "ready to go trick or treating." I told him no honey that's not til later tonite when it's dark out. He ran to the window, pulled up the shade and said "it's dark out now mom!"
Well the kid had a point! So it's been a looong day. We were at the local diner by 6:45am eating breakfast, half a slice of bacon and coffee for me, the works for him.
Target at 8am sharp picking out candy that I would not be tempted to eat- translation- no chocolate. I'll be so popular in the hood tonite. Now we are vegging out- I've been working a ton lately, it's nice to be home and not have any plans. I wanted to take a ride to Salem to check out the craziness, but Lew talked me out of it. He's no fun. I figured the kooks might not be out at 10am...but Lew said I was wrong!
We are going over our neighbors at 5 for dinner then all going trick or treating, so it should be a great night. I must admit I bought myself some sugar free candy last week and it is amazingly delicious. I dont miss the sugar at all. The Reese Cups and Russells Coconut chocolates are the best!
Overall I have been experiencing some kind of amazing turn around the past couple weeks. I cant believe how many different things I have been able to tolerate and I haven't gotten sick barely at all. Except for a bad call earlier this week...I was feeling way too good so of course I had to order a frontega chicken panini at Panera. WHAT was I thinking? I had about 3 bites - in about 20 mins- took it real slow and thought it was fine. But then it was over and I got sick. At least it came up fast and I wasn't sick for hours like I used to be. I found bread that I can tolerate- which might not be such a good thing. It's called Seeduction from Whole Foods and it is sooooo good. I am limiting myself to 1 slice a day to be safe...the slices are really small too...but I can see this becoming a problem so this might be my first and last loaf. I froze most of it because it will go bad way before I get to it.
I hit 97 pounds today- I really can not believe it. I would love to 100 before my 6 month check up with Dr. Ameri on Nov 14th. Took a nice long walk yesterday with my Ipod and it was great...I was thinking about everything that has happened in the past year and I truly feel grateful and blessed to have made this decision for myself and my family. It hasn't been easy and it is far from over, but I know it was the right thing for me.
Well we are off to the Blue Tulip to get a Halloween Night light- half price!
Hope your night is full of healthy treats!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Down in the Dumps
So a few days ago I bragged about how I had never dumped. Well that's all it took....and here is the update.
Nick and I went into Boston after school Tuesday to visit the seals outside the Aquarium...then we went over to Quincy Market for lunch and shopping. We walked through the Faneuil Hall Food Court...wow it's been ages since I've been in there and it was overhwelming. I wanted everything. I was too afraid to try anything though and planned to eat my protein bar...until I met 2 exes named Dale and Thomas.
I discovered their popcorn at Target about a year ago and it is incredible. I love the chocolate carmel drizzle and wouldnt' you know they have set up shop in the Faneuil Hall Food court? I knew the sugar must be through the roof, but I didnt care. I bought a bag and dove in while we walked around. I was thinking- man I am gonna pay for this....I think deep down I have been pushing the envelope, trying to figure out just what I am going to get away with. So I ate several handfuls- the stuff is addictive. Everything was totally fine. I couldnt believe it. I realize that I definitely didn't eat even a quarter of what I would have in my pre-op days, but I still had at least a cup full- which equals 32 grams of sugar! My guidelines call for nothing over 7 grams!!!! So I was thinking- oh my god- I guess sugar isn't going to be a problem for me. And that scared me. Big time.
Fast forward to Wed night- I had asked Lew to hide the bag down in his office, but decided I wanted more- so he got it for me. Don't blame him- he knows better than to stand between me and whatever I am craving. I started in on the bag, and after about 2 handfuls I started feeling funny. It was a new feeling though, not my usual stuck or full I'm gonna hurl feeling. I was woozy and felt like I was on drugs, blood rushing through my veins and my heart pounding out of my chest. I was like OMG Lew I think I am dumping. I made it up to bed and laid down, and it was like being really drunk and having bad bed spins. Somehow I must have fallen asleep though and when I woke up the next morning I was ok- just felt like I had a hangover. So it wasn't as bad as some of the accounts I have read, but I would be in no "rush" to experience it again. I am also glad it happened because I dont want to be tempted by sugar.
So I'm back on track...made a new batch of lemon protein icecream and been living on water crackers with a smear of Stonewall Kitchen Holiday Jam and cheddar cheese. Yum.
I had 2 small pieces of the best quesadilla the other night, baked really crispy with brie, green apple slices, almonds, cranberries and almonds. Amazing. Tonite I had 1 baked mozzarella stick that I made myself. I was tired of looking at those mozarella sticks in the fridge that Nick wasn't eating. So I rolled them in flaxseed and whole wheat panko crumbs, froze them and then baked them in the toaster oven. So good. Lew woofed them down. Tomorrow I think I will make a sugar free pumpkin pie and do a chicken recipe in my crock pot...supposed to be a nice rainy day and the Pats are on so we'll be home.
Ok I am exhausted. Grant's bday party was a blast today...Nick loved being on the farm, seeing the animals and taking a tractor ride out to pick a pumpkin. I am so glad I was able to be there. Funny how everything works out the way it should...most of the time!
Thought for the night as I try and move on from the Battle in the Berkshires
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift, that's why its called the present."
Nick and I went into Boston after school Tuesday to visit the seals outside the Aquarium...then we went over to Quincy Market for lunch and shopping. We walked through the Faneuil Hall Food Court...wow it's been ages since I've been in there and it was overhwelming. I wanted everything. I was too afraid to try anything though and planned to eat my protein bar...until I met 2 exes named Dale and Thomas.
I discovered their popcorn at Target about a year ago and it is incredible. I love the chocolate carmel drizzle and wouldnt' you know they have set up shop in the Faneuil Hall Food court? I knew the sugar must be through the roof, but I didnt care. I bought a bag and dove in while we walked around. I was thinking- man I am gonna pay for this....I think deep down I have been pushing the envelope, trying to figure out just what I am going to get away with. So I ate several handfuls- the stuff is addictive. Everything was totally fine. I couldnt believe it. I realize that I definitely didn't eat even a quarter of what I would have in my pre-op days, but I still had at least a cup full- which equals 32 grams of sugar! My guidelines call for nothing over 7 grams!!!! So I was thinking- oh my god- I guess sugar isn't going to be a problem for me. And that scared me. Big time.
Fast forward to Wed night- I had asked Lew to hide the bag down in his office, but decided I wanted more- so he got it for me. Don't blame him- he knows better than to stand between me and whatever I am craving. I started in on the bag, and after about 2 handfuls I started feeling funny. It was a new feeling though, not my usual stuck or full I'm gonna hurl feeling. I was woozy and felt like I was on drugs, blood rushing through my veins and my heart pounding out of my chest. I was like OMG Lew I think I am dumping. I made it up to bed and laid down, and it was like being really drunk and having bad bed spins. Somehow I must have fallen asleep though and when I woke up the next morning I was ok- just felt like I had a hangover. So it wasn't as bad as some of the accounts I have read, but I would be in no "rush" to experience it again. I am also glad it happened because I dont want to be tempted by sugar.
So I'm back on track...made a new batch of lemon protein icecream and been living on water crackers with a smear of Stonewall Kitchen Holiday Jam and cheddar cheese. Yum.
I had 2 small pieces of the best quesadilla the other night, baked really crispy with brie, green apple slices, almonds, cranberries and almonds. Amazing. Tonite I had 1 baked mozzarella stick that I made myself. I was tired of looking at those mozarella sticks in the fridge that Nick wasn't eating. So I rolled them in flaxseed and whole wheat panko crumbs, froze them and then baked them in the toaster oven. So good. Lew woofed them down. Tomorrow I think I will make a sugar free pumpkin pie and do a chicken recipe in my crock pot...supposed to be a nice rainy day and the Pats are on so we'll be home.
Ok I am exhausted. Grant's bday party was a blast today...Nick loved being on the farm, seeing the animals and taking a tractor ride out to pick a pumpkin. I am so glad I was able to be there. Funny how everything works out the way it should...most of the time!
Thought for the night as I try and move on from the Battle in the Berkshires
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift, that's why its called the present."
Girls Weekend Gone Bad
Well I promised to share this journey in its entirety so here we go. I was so excited for girls weekend - going to the Berkshires for 2 nights. It started out great...fun drive up, awesome house, hanging on the porch and just chatting and sipping wine. Then we went out and excessive alcohol does some very strange things to some people. To make a very long story as short as possible let's just say one of the girls wanted to bring this weirdo scary guy back to our house late night and I wanted no part of it. I have had it with this crap. We are 40 years old now, I am married with a kid to think about. I cant have some creep hanging around in the house I rented and put a security deposit on. So I refused to drive him back to the house. It got ugly. He finally got out of the car and then it got uglier. I got in a bad fight with the girl who wanted to have him over and ended up going to get my stuff and storming out. I drove home and got home at 2:45am. I almost fell asleep a few times and it was awful. I was and am so upset about the entire drama. I feel like its a nightmare and I am going to wake up soon. But unfortunately it happened and I know that one of the "friendships" is definitely over. I hope to salvage the other one but it will take time and I am not sure, as I have definitely drifted from that person as well. The 2 girls are single, and we have never really had a big problem staying connected since I got married. I dont see them that often, but when we do it involved alot of eating and drinking. Now that those things dont interest me, and cant be on my agenda, i feel that we have nothing in common.
It was funny to live like that in my 20's and even in my 30's- they pulled the same exact thing at my bachelorette party come to think of it and that was a scene too. In fact I dont know if I have every been out with this one particular person and not had a drama to deal with. Its exhausting and the friendship is draining my energy. That cant be a good thing- so I am done. I have too many great friends to waste time on people who dont respect me. I think you just outgrow people sometimes, and while it is sad, especially when you have alot of history and many good times, you have to know when to let go.
So I am happy to be back home with the boys. No sleeping in, spa, shopping or vegging out for me, but i'd rather be home with the people who love me then putting up with that nonsense. My family and personal safety come first...I stand by my decision, even though I know they are bad mouthing me and making fun of me for being nervous about it.
I'll be able to go to a birthday party with Nick and Lew today at a farm so that will be great. It's funny, you think you cant wait to get away and escape your life, and then you realize, you were already in the perfect place. Maybe it took this drama to show me that.
I came across this blog by author Taylor Horak while thinking about this today...it made me feel better because I think alot of people go through this...and it is very painful, but normal.
"When you lose someone, it sometimes feels like you've lost part of yourself as well. Many people, especially younger ones, feel defined by their peers, and even more so by their intimate friends. By becoming close to anyone, you put yourself at risk, you make yourself vulnerable. You open up facets of your being that even you might not see to scrutiny. You allow others to tell you who you are, to help mold you. You become someone new with them. Some people act differently around different people, almost as if these different groups are outlets for different characteristics in them. But when that outlet is gone, you're left with a void, a missing facet of your personality. The friends I've lost have left such holes in me, wounds that can never be completely healed. No one can touch you, shape you, or understand you as much as an intimate friend can. Losing someone so close can cause damage, can shut you off to other possibilities. That's why outgrowing a friend is truly a harsh, and defining moment in a person's life. You're not only outgrowing them, you're out growing part of yourself as well."
It was funny to live like that in my 20's and even in my 30's- they pulled the same exact thing at my bachelorette party come to think of it and that was a scene too. In fact I dont know if I have every been out with this one particular person and not had a drama to deal with. Its exhausting and the friendship is draining my energy. That cant be a good thing- so I am done. I have too many great friends to waste time on people who dont respect me. I think you just outgrow people sometimes, and while it is sad, especially when you have alot of history and many good times, you have to know when to let go.
So I am happy to be back home with the boys. No sleeping in, spa, shopping or vegging out for me, but i'd rather be home with the people who love me then putting up with that nonsense. My family and personal safety come first...I stand by my decision, even though I know they are bad mouthing me and making fun of me for being nervous about it.
I'll be able to go to a birthday party with Nick and Lew today at a farm so that will be great. It's funny, you think you cant wait to get away and escape your life, and then you realize, you were already in the perfect place. Maybe it took this drama to show me that.
I came across this blog by author Taylor Horak while thinking about this today...it made me feel better because I think alot of people go through this...and it is very painful, but normal.
"When you lose someone, it sometimes feels like you've lost part of yourself as well. Many people, especially younger ones, feel defined by their peers, and even more so by their intimate friends. By becoming close to anyone, you put yourself at risk, you make yourself vulnerable. You open up facets of your being that even you might not see to scrutiny. You allow others to tell you who you are, to help mold you. You become someone new with them. Some people act differently around different people, almost as if these different groups are outlets for different characteristics in them. But when that outlet is gone, you're left with a void, a missing facet of your personality. The friends I've lost have left such holes in me, wounds that can never be completely healed. No one can touch you, shape you, or understand you as much as an intimate friend can. Losing someone so close can cause damage, can shut you off to other possibilities. That's why outgrowing a friend is truly a harsh, and defining moment in a person's life. You're not only outgrowing them, you're out growing part of yourself as well."
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Scary Sugar Scene
So I am sitting here eating a small piece of heavenly cheesecake with graham cracker crust, topped with Stonewall Kitchen blueberry jam and sipping the most amazing cup of coffee I think I have ever had. Is it time to wake up? Am I dreaming? Will I be pushing 300 pounds when my eyes open? God say it isn't so.
No it's really happening, and I cant believe this crazy journey I am on and how different every single day is. I made the cheesecake with splenda and the jam is no sugar added- so its all legal though it tastes very sinful. It is so delicious- it's nirvana. We ordered some new K-cups for the Keurig and I am having Donut Shop Coffee by the Coffee People, and there are no words for its perfection. If you are only going to have one small cup a day- it better be worthy.
So I've decided that gastric bypass surgery is much like parenting. Every time you think you have it figured out- something changes and you have to start from scratch again. Take the Halloween party meatball debacle for example. The very next day I was ravenous- rare for me as I usually have to remind myself to eat. So I started out strong- getting in all my water and protein- good stuff. But later that afternoon I had a run in with a couple of old friends/lovers that I hadn't seen in awhile. I ran into sugar first...and next thing you know, white flour and I were rendevouzing and it was quite a revelation. I had always believe deep down that I was addicted to sugar and flour...the one diet program i never tried was Overeaters Anonymous and I think the reason is that I was terrified to give them up. I know that is the basis for the OA program and it probably would have worked for me- short term anyway. But I was a little leery of the "higher power" aspect of the program.
I know some who have had great success with it and I think its wonderful for the right person.
Anyway Nick and I went on one of our Whole Foods field trips- always dangerous. If I were a millionaire that's one of the first things I would do- be a regular at Whole Foods. But since that is far from the case, I try to limit myself to once a month max because I can not enter that organic temple without spending $50 minimum and I usually have 1 bag of food to show for it that doesn't last more than a day or 2. It's truly outrageous- but worth every penny!
Nick lives for the stinky cheese samples- the kid is a serious cheese connosseur. I wonder if Fromaggio Kitchen is still open in Cambridge? I have to bring him there. No matter how strong the cheese he loves it. Woofs it down....and then demands a hunk for home. Of course it's usually about $10 for a tiny piece of some imported artisan cheese with a name I can't pronounce- but anything for the kid right?
So we make our rounds, cheese samples, apple cider, fruit samples, a few bites from the antipasto bar, soup samples, fresh baked bread with organic butter and a few mini cookies. All free- its the best deal in town if you are post op! I had a complete meal and then some! Then it's time for lunch- for Nick. He gets his slice of wood oven pizza, a chicken tender, scoop of mac and cheese and a scoop of butternut squash. Its usually mostly for dinner after his sample fest. I pick up my favorite gluten free items and some Smart Life meat free pepperoni and bacon - so amazing- Lew doesn't even know the difference. Then we head for the customer service desk where they have a special treat bucket for the kids- Nick gets a free juice box and gold fish crackers. That's when I spot my old flame, Lake Champlain chocolate squares. Hands down my favorite chocolate. So at the risk of jinxing myself I have not to this point or to my knowledge dumped on sugar. From what I hear from others, I would know it. So I decide I will have a small square just for old times sake.
When we got to the car I took out my little treasure, and I felt just like Charlie from the Chocolate Factory, slowly unwrapping my little treat...which happened to come wrapped in shiny gold foil. It was pure pleasure that little taste of heaven...perfect. I was so satisfied with that little bite and thought how nice it was to really enjoy a taste and not want or need more. It was wonderful feeling so virtuous and 'normal' and it lasted the whole way home (10 minutes). That's when the old demons decided to come out to play. It turns out this surgery does not cure all and there is still much work to be done....despite the best medicine has to offer.
At this point I was full, satisfied and done eating. But I got in the door and the old chemical reactions kicked in. I truly believe in that theory now because I was like a drug addict looking for more and I didnt care how I got it. I found a lemon meringue pie in the fridge and ate about a half slice of that....then I hit the frosted sugar cookies left over from the party. I ate about half of a big Frankenstein before I realized what I was doing and freaked. I figured if ever I was going to dump- this would be it - and I was terrified. For those who dont know- dumping is a common side effect for post ops. It happens when you consume too much sugar or fat and your body can't process it. I thought I expeienced a mild version of it once right after surgary when I ate a sugar free pudding with too much sugar alcohol...but I am not sure. Basically you get like a diabetic reaction- fast heartbeat, shakes, sweats, dizzy, and some say you feel like you are going to have a heart attack. Sounds lovey right? Miraculously I did not have any reaction at all after eating all that crap- which kind of bummed me out in a weird way. I wanted to be punished for veering off my plan, to make sure I dont do it again, because I still feel like I cant trust myself to stay on track.
It is so frustrating to not be able to eat an egg or meatballs or healthy protein rich items that I want to have, but to be able to eat sugar and junk. That is where the challenge lies and I understand why so many people have a hard time the further they get from surgery. So I have been fine since that sugar side trip...I didnt like the way I felt, buzzed then tired and gross. I remember that feelng all too well and I do not miss it. But it was a reminder of how easy it would be to make bad choices and regress to a place I never want to be again.
It's been a good week overall, had some yummy gyro chicken from this Greek place I love near work over a salad and no problems...it lasted 4 meals but it was great!
Been working alot but I need the money so that's good. Might check out the Head of the Charles today and then we are going to Boo at the Stone Zoo tomorrow for a Halloween party and costume contest with our neighbors. Nick's Cha Cha costume is adorable- my mother in law did an amazing job- cant wait to see him in it! I have to figure out how to post pictures on this site. I'll ask the resident expert.
Thought for the day courtesty of Tom Petty
"I'm learning to fly, but I aint got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing.
Some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown. I started out God knows where, but I guess I'll know when I get there."
No it's really happening, and I cant believe this crazy journey I am on and how different every single day is. I made the cheesecake with splenda and the jam is no sugar added- so its all legal though it tastes very sinful. It is so delicious- it's nirvana. We ordered some new K-cups for the Keurig and I am having Donut Shop Coffee by the Coffee People, and there are no words for its perfection. If you are only going to have one small cup a day- it better be worthy.
So I've decided that gastric bypass surgery is much like parenting. Every time you think you have it figured out- something changes and you have to start from scratch again. Take the Halloween party meatball debacle for example. The very next day I was ravenous- rare for me as I usually have to remind myself to eat. So I started out strong- getting in all my water and protein- good stuff. But later that afternoon I had a run in with a couple of old friends/lovers that I hadn't seen in awhile. I ran into sugar first...and next thing you know, white flour and I were rendevouzing and it was quite a revelation. I had always believe deep down that I was addicted to sugar and flour...the one diet program i never tried was Overeaters Anonymous and I think the reason is that I was terrified to give them up. I know that is the basis for the OA program and it probably would have worked for me- short term anyway. But I was a little leery of the "higher power" aspect of the program.
I know some who have had great success with it and I think its wonderful for the right person.
Anyway Nick and I went on one of our Whole Foods field trips- always dangerous. If I were a millionaire that's one of the first things I would do- be a regular at Whole Foods. But since that is far from the case, I try to limit myself to once a month max because I can not enter that organic temple without spending $50 minimum and I usually have 1 bag of food to show for it that doesn't last more than a day or 2. It's truly outrageous- but worth every penny!
Nick lives for the stinky cheese samples- the kid is a serious cheese connosseur. I wonder if Fromaggio Kitchen is still open in Cambridge? I have to bring him there. No matter how strong the cheese he loves it. Woofs it down....and then demands a hunk for home. Of course it's usually about $10 for a tiny piece of some imported artisan cheese with a name I can't pronounce- but anything for the kid right?
So we make our rounds, cheese samples, apple cider, fruit samples, a few bites from the antipasto bar, soup samples, fresh baked bread with organic butter and a few mini cookies. All free- its the best deal in town if you are post op! I had a complete meal and then some! Then it's time for lunch- for Nick. He gets his slice of wood oven pizza, a chicken tender, scoop of mac and cheese and a scoop of butternut squash. Its usually mostly for dinner after his sample fest. I pick up my favorite gluten free items and some Smart Life meat free pepperoni and bacon - so amazing- Lew doesn't even know the difference. Then we head for the customer service desk where they have a special treat bucket for the kids- Nick gets a free juice box and gold fish crackers. That's when I spot my old flame, Lake Champlain chocolate squares. Hands down my favorite chocolate. So at the risk of jinxing myself I have not to this point or to my knowledge dumped on sugar. From what I hear from others, I would know it. So I decide I will have a small square just for old times sake.
When we got to the car I took out my little treasure, and I felt just like Charlie from the Chocolate Factory, slowly unwrapping my little treat...which happened to come wrapped in shiny gold foil. It was pure pleasure that little taste of heaven...perfect. I was so satisfied with that little bite and thought how nice it was to really enjoy a taste and not want or need more. It was wonderful feeling so virtuous and 'normal' and it lasted the whole way home (10 minutes). That's when the old demons decided to come out to play. It turns out this surgery does not cure all and there is still much work to be done....despite the best medicine has to offer.
At this point I was full, satisfied and done eating. But I got in the door and the old chemical reactions kicked in. I truly believe in that theory now because I was like a drug addict looking for more and I didnt care how I got it. I found a lemon meringue pie in the fridge and ate about a half slice of that....then I hit the frosted sugar cookies left over from the party. I ate about half of a big Frankenstein before I realized what I was doing and freaked. I figured if ever I was going to dump- this would be it - and I was terrified. For those who dont know- dumping is a common side effect for post ops. It happens when you consume too much sugar or fat and your body can't process it. I thought I expeienced a mild version of it once right after surgary when I ate a sugar free pudding with too much sugar alcohol...but I am not sure. Basically you get like a diabetic reaction- fast heartbeat, shakes, sweats, dizzy, and some say you feel like you are going to have a heart attack. Sounds lovey right? Miraculously I did not have any reaction at all after eating all that crap- which kind of bummed me out in a weird way. I wanted to be punished for veering off my plan, to make sure I dont do it again, because I still feel like I cant trust myself to stay on track.
It is so frustrating to not be able to eat an egg or meatballs or healthy protein rich items that I want to have, but to be able to eat sugar and junk. That is where the challenge lies and I understand why so many people have a hard time the further they get from surgery. So I have been fine since that sugar side trip...I didnt like the way I felt, buzzed then tired and gross. I remember that feelng all too well and I do not miss it. But it was a reminder of how easy it would be to make bad choices and regress to a place I never want to be again.
It's been a good week overall, had some yummy gyro chicken from this Greek place I love near work over a salad and no problems...it lasted 4 meals but it was great!
Been working alot but I need the money so that's good. Might check out the Head of the Charles today and then we are going to Boo at the Stone Zoo tomorrow for a Halloween party and costume contest with our neighbors. Nick's Cha Cha costume is adorable- my mother in law did an amazing job- cant wait to see him in it! I have to figure out how to post pictures on this site. I'll ask the resident expert.
Thought for the day courtesty of Tom Petty
"I'm learning to fly, but I aint got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing.
Some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown. I started out God knows where, but I guess I'll know when I get there."
Monday, October 13, 2008
Wonderland- 5 months post op
So rather than elaborate about how another month has passed without a blog entry- I will just get to the headlines. No time for excuses!
I was 5 months post op yesterday and there is much to report. I'll get to the good stuff first to try and remind myself how far I have come. I am down 93 pounds and have joined the club known to post ops as "Wonderland." It basically means you are finally out of the 200's and back in the one hundreds on the scale. It's been a very long time for me so that was a big moment. I have to do a measurements check- so not sure bout that right now. But I have gone down more sizes since I last checked in...and while this is of course great- some of my new clothes that I bought just a few months ago are already too big and that is crazy!
I am enjoying tons of compliments at work and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. It's like all of a sudden everyone is noticing and they are stunned. I have told most of my friends and coworkers but there are some I dont know well enough so I just say thanks and try to escape!
I am feeling good most of the time and really enjoying my freedom...just moving around so easily and not feeling so tired and gross all the time.
We went to Storyland last weekend and it was so great going on all the rides again with Nick. Not worrying about not fitting and stuff like that. I know last summer I would not have been able to go on the rides- so that was huge.
Now for the not so great stuff. I am still really struggling with my food choices. I am so limited and I cant believe it has lasted this long. I feel very frustrated and scared that this is not going to change. Every time I try something new and it is a success- the next time I try it- it makes me sick- same old story. I am so tired of protein bars and still cant do the shakes. I did ok with grilled chicken and chicken salad for a few weeks and i was so happy about that. But the last few times I had it-I got sick. I find that if i dont make it myself and completely control it- I get sick. Even if it looks grilled and healthy.
We had a Halloween party for the neighborhood kids yesterday and I had 1 lousy mini meatball and was sick for the entire day. It ruined the party for me and it was awful. I was so mad about it. I feel like its nuts that i cant handle that by this point. Will I ever be able to eat red meat again? I was in pain all through the party and tried to ignore it- I was so busy keeping things going. I tried to throw up but couldnt until about 4 hours later when I finally did. I felt better after but I was so drained- I lost the entire day so only had about 10 ounces of water all day and about the same for protein.
Now to the hairy scary hair situation. I am losing hair like crazy- and I mean huge clumps every day in the shower. I remember reading a book pre-op and there was a chapter called "build your own kitty kit." Now I know why. Thank god I started out with a ton of hair, so I hope no one knows but me, but man it's getting dicey. It's been going on for about a full month...and I dont know how long it will last. They say to up your protein and get some special shampoo. I have trouble just getting in my 60 ounces of protein now...but I am trying. I have to find the shampoo too.
I dont think I wrote about the new support group I attended. It's a smaller post op gathering at Winchester Hospital and we had our first mtg last month. It was really good and I look forward to meeting more people at the next one. It is so much better than the general one I go to every month because everyone has already had the surgery so we can really talk about some of the more specific things we are dealing with.
I got a really nice email from someone who stumbled upon my blog that made my day.
She called me an inspiration and that is just incredible to me! So thank you Charlotte for inspiring me to get back to blogging, because it really helps me to keep things in perspective. You reminded me that the number one reason I did this was for Nick, and that has been a total success...because I know I am a healther mom and can keep up with him now. I know he won't be embarrassed of me like I so feared 93 pounds ago, and I know I can go on the rides with him, play tag, or do whatever else comes our way. So for that I am grateful.
I was 5 months post op yesterday and there is much to report. I'll get to the good stuff first to try and remind myself how far I have come. I am down 93 pounds and have joined the club known to post ops as "Wonderland." It basically means you are finally out of the 200's and back in the one hundreds on the scale. It's been a very long time for me so that was a big moment. I have to do a measurements check- so not sure bout that right now. But I have gone down more sizes since I last checked in...and while this is of course great- some of my new clothes that I bought just a few months ago are already too big and that is crazy!
I am enjoying tons of compliments at work and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. It's like all of a sudden everyone is noticing and they are stunned. I have told most of my friends and coworkers but there are some I dont know well enough so I just say thanks and try to escape!
I am feeling good most of the time and really enjoying my freedom...just moving around so easily and not feeling so tired and gross all the time.
We went to Storyland last weekend and it was so great going on all the rides again with Nick. Not worrying about not fitting and stuff like that. I know last summer I would not have been able to go on the rides- so that was huge.
Now for the not so great stuff. I am still really struggling with my food choices. I am so limited and I cant believe it has lasted this long. I feel very frustrated and scared that this is not going to change. Every time I try something new and it is a success- the next time I try it- it makes me sick- same old story. I am so tired of protein bars and still cant do the shakes. I did ok with grilled chicken and chicken salad for a few weeks and i was so happy about that. But the last few times I had it-I got sick. I find that if i dont make it myself and completely control it- I get sick. Even if it looks grilled and healthy.
We had a Halloween party for the neighborhood kids yesterday and I had 1 lousy mini meatball and was sick for the entire day. It ruined the party for me and it was awful. I was so mad about it. I feel like its nuts that i cant handle that by this point. Will I ever be able to eat red meat again? I was in pain all through the party and tried to ignore it- I was so busy keeping things going. I tried to throw up but couldnt until about 4 hours later when I finally did. I felt better after but I was so drained- I lost the entire day so only had about 10 ounces of water all day and about the same for protein.
Now to the hairy scary hair situation. I am losing hair like crazy- and I mean huge clumps every day in the shower. I remember reading a book pre-op and there was a chapter called "build your own kitty kit." Now I know why. Thank god I started out with a ton of hair, so I hope no one knows but me, but man it's getting dicey. It's been going on for about a full month...and I dont know how long it will last. They say to up your protein and get some special shampoo. I have trouble just getting in my 60 ounces of protein now...but I am trying. I have to find the shampoo too.
I dont think I wrote about the new support group I attended. It's a smaller post op gathering at Winchester Hospital and we had our first mtg last month. It was really good and I look forward to meeting more people at the next one. It is so much better than the general one I go to every month because everyone has already had the surgery so we can really talk about some of the more specific things we are dealing with.
I got a really nice email from someone who stumbled upon my blog that made my day.
She called me an inspiration and that is just incredible to me! So thank you Charlotte for inspiring me to get back to blogging, because it really helps me to keep things in perspective. You reminded me that the number one reason I did this was for Nick, and that has been a total success...because I know I am a healther mom and can keep up with him now. I know he won't be embarrassed of me like I so feared 93 pounds ago, and I know I can go on the rides with him, play tag, or do whatever else comes our way. So for that I am grateful.
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