Mamma Mia...Here I Go Again.

Went to see the Mamma Mia movie with my friend Deb in CT last night. It was seriously over the top but I LOVED it! What a fun summer escape...the singing and dancing were hysterical. So funny to see Meryl Streep in this role...she looked like she was having the time of her life. If you go be sure to stay through the credits- a riot!

We are having a great girls weekend...shopping, hanging at the pool and taking her dog Max for nice walks. It's definitely been strange not doing what we used to do...eating, drinking, repeat. But it's been better than expected. Despite a few setbacks. I got sick just before the road trip and almost had to cancel..so glad I made it down.

I am really having a tough time. I feel like I am getting sick (rarely actually vomitting) but just really uncomfortable and bad pain for anywhere from a half hour to 3 hours every time I try ANYTHING new or stray from my "safe"food list, which basically has never progressed past the soft food list. I can not tolerate eggs, meat, bread, fruits veggies protein shakes or any of the good stuff i should be having! Its maddening.

The most frustrating is that some foods I think I am safe with are now starting to backfire on me, like soup. I have been living on it and all of a sudden i got sick from it Friday just before leaving town. Only difference is I ate a raisin- ONE raisin while making Nick's lunch and then had my soup right after and i got really sick- in agony for 2 hours with pain and burping and feeling like i am going to throw up but cant. Could one lousy raisin have done it?

Fri night had 1 small slice of California Pizza Kitchens thin and crispy white pizza. I was nervous about the spinach so i picked it off and everything was fine- no problems. Saturday i had about a half of 1 slice but i ate the spinach- very small amount....and you guessed it- I spent an hour in the bathroom with dry heaves. I cant live like this anymore. I am so bummed out. I am down 60 pounds (incl pre-op loss) and i want to be happy about it- but i am terrified to try anything new and its impossible to take part in daily life. I thought by now I would be able to go out and have some chili or shrimp cocktail and be satisified...but they have both made me sick. It doesnt seem like this is normal. I feel like someone is punching me in the chest when i eat and it takes my breathe away.

I do have a doc appt on Friday so I am anxious for that and to get some answers. I have called the office twice in the past month about this- asking for a scope to check for a stricture and both times they talked me out of it and said there is no way i have that since i am able to keep some things down (yogurt, cheese and crackers, tuna salad, peanutbutter and rice cakes, protein bars) but this just seems strange to me.

They told me everyone is different and just because they say we can go to a full diet at 8 weeks doesn't mean everyone is ready and to wait it out. This is all so BIZARRE, its like if i were on a "diet" i would go out and order a nice salad with grilled chicken and it would all be fine- but i am so scared to do that! I wont even touch chicken after the experiences i have had, and i dont know when i can eat salad? I have heard raw fruits and veggies are very hard to digest and someone said dont bother trying til 6 months out. I have alot of questions for my appt on Friday.

Last night we went to a Tapas bar and I had 1 tiny grilled sea scallop and 2 bites of grilled mahi mahi. That was fine- so I was happy. I was dying for a drink though. It was such a gorgeous night and they had pitchers of blood orange margaritas and i was salivating. If things were going better with the food side i mgiht have tried a sip to see what it was like, but i just cant go there til i get this resolved.

One of my friends (was it Kathy or Anna?) told me to try and treat this like a pregnancy...give it 9 months to really heal and adapt and by the end it will all be worth it and be so much easier. I thought that was a really good way to look at it. So I am trying to stay positive...but its tough some days. On the upside...Deb and I did some shopping and I bought a new bathing suit- down 10 sizes! That was a great feeling.

Well gonna go take Max for a walk and head home- miss my boys. Can't wait to see Nick and bring him the presents Auntie Debbie bought him in Hawaii including a volcano he can erupt in the tub- he''ll be thrilled- thanks alot Deb!:)