Finally? Maybe? Please?

Things are definitely getting easier as far as food tolerances go. So far this past week I have had kielbasa, scallops, and cheeseburger pizza- crazy! Now when I say I have had these things- remember I am talking about 2 or 3 bites max. I had 2 pieces of kielbasa, 2 baby scallops and 3 bites of pizza, and all on separate days. But hey its progress right? At least I didnt get sick. I did however dump this morning after eating a couple bites of jarred peaches. They were in grapefuit juice so maybe that's what did it? I broke out in a sweat and felt like I was going to faint. But it only lasted about 15 minutes and it was nothing compared to the stuck problems I have had.

Nothing else much new- been stuck at 65 pounds loss for about a week now and today I was up a pound- give me a break- that is just nonsense. I am still at about 600 calories a day and been doing well with my fluids and protein- so I am just going to ignore that and hope it was a fluke. I am concerned about being stuck though- seems like a long stall. I have been eating alot of protein bars and wondering if that is causing the problem? I only have one a day but they are pretty high calorie. I hope to rely on them less as I am able to eat more protein rich normal foods.

Nick and I got together with my friend and former co-worker Laura Campbell today and had so much fun! We took a walk around the Charles in Harvard Square, went to the Curious George store and had lunch. It was so great to see her...and Nick really liked her...and he's pretty particular about who he warms up to!

Man it was blazing hot though- we were happy to jump in the pool when we got home this afternoon. Have to mention I am having the most amazing crystal lite flavor right now- Sunrise Orange. It is soooooo good and refreshing. I never thought I would be able to enjoy OJ again because of the sugar and this tastes just like it- yum.

"She went everywhere with a basket filled daily with a fresh blueberry muffin. It's either that or cigarettes she said and I am only strong enough for a life of partial virtue." From "Still Mostly True" Brian Andreas

Post Plus Size Purchase

Major excitement today and very unexpected. Nick and I went to Lands End at Sears to do a return and I just happened to see this beautiful chocolate brown vest with pink trim...for fall outerwear. I was laughing to Nick saying i cant believe this stuff is out already. So just for kicks i decided to try it on- thinking- well this is the NORMAL people section, so it will never fit me anyway. Well what do you know, the XL fit me - zipped up and everything! I nearly keeled over. Thank god it was only $39 because I just about sprinted to the nearest register and bought the sucker as fast as I could! This is the first time I have ever bought anything in a regular size in as long as I can remember...probably ever- at least it feels like it! So that was a great feeling. Of course I am now praying for chilly fall like weather because by the time I can wear this thing it will probably be too big! Oh well I can always exchange it for a smaller one! IMAGINE THAT!

We had a great weekend...oh had my appointment on Friday with Dr. Ameri...pretty uneventful. He was very happy with my weight loss, said it is a bit faster than the average for 3 months so that is good. He wasn't concerned about my intolerances or getting sick...said I should be happy that the operation is working and that I will have a better outcome in the long run than people who can eat more. He said it just gets them into trouble sooner. So that did make me feel better, i never thought of it that way. He said just stick to my safe foods and ride it out and it will all be different in a month or 2 then try again. So that's the plan.

We had a great day in the pool Saturday, it was gorgeous out. Tried to go to Canobie Lake last night but Nick fell asleep and when he woke up he was in a BAD mood and didnt want to go. I think the huge ferris wheel freaked him out.

Today we went for a long walk around Horn Pond in Woburn which we love- saw all the ducks and swans and Lew took some pictures of Nick. Then I went to a get together in Waltham of some people I met online that have had the surgery and live around here.
It was great, so nice to meet folks going through the same experience and get some advice and tips. It was very reassuring and great to see what they are eating and how amazing they look down the road. Several of the women were about 8 months out and had lost 100 pounds and were eating pretty normally, as in chicken, veggies, fruit, dessert. I noticed no one ate carbs or drank with their food, so that will probably never change.

Well off to work tomorrow- it's been awhile. Looking forward to seeing my news buddies.

Belly Busters

So it was one of my favorite places pre-surgery and I haven't been in about 4 months. But Nick kept bugging me to go so we went today and despite my eating 3 bites of food- I have been paying for it all day long. I am talking about the infamous Belly Busters diner in Billerica....home of the $6 BB special that Nick and i used to split. 3 eggs, 2 plate sized pancakes, 2 sausage patties, 2 huge strips of bacon, toast and homefries. No I'm not kidding. We usually did a pretty good job on it too. Well we got it today, because its his favorite and you cant beat the price. I figured i would have a couple bites of everything but the eggs. So I had a tiny bite of bacon, 1 potatoe, and 1 small bite of pancake. I knew right away I was in trouble. I dont understand why or how i can get so sick from a few bites of food. It is just so unimagineable to me. I tried to keep it together and go walk it off, do errands etc. I had Nick of course, so no time off for me. Even if I could have it makes it worse to lay down or even sit down. There is nothing you can do til it passes. This one was a doozy...lasted for 4 hours of agony. We went to the mall and I kept running into every bathroom in every store, thinking I was going to be sick. I never threw up but I had the foamies really bad and I was in so much pain.
I called Lew from the Build a Bear bathroom crying, telling him he had to come get us because I did not think I could make it home. Of course he was in a big meeting so we ended up sitting on a couch outside Nordstroms for about a half hour while I prayed and clutched a plastic bag. Nick was such a trooper, he was so patient and just people watched and ate his lollipop. I finally staggered to the car and made it home, thank god we only live a mile away. Lew came home a few minutes later and took Nick out for an icecream while I laid down...the pain had subsided a bit and I was just exhuasted and drained from the drama. Not to mention I have only had 6 ounces of water all day and those 3 bites of food. So I passed out and slept for an hour. I just woke up and feel better but I am nursing a small cup of Propel and its slow going. I can not wait to go to the doctors tomorrow. I better get some answers.

I ran into an old friend at the mall today- luckily I wasn't at my worst sick stage when I saw her. I was still functioning and just feeling lousy- but not running for the bathroom just yet. I worked with Cathy Craig back at WMUR - our first tv job. We were really good friends and have alot of great memories. It was so fun to catch up with her. She was with her 3 boys! Turns out she lives the next town over, Winchester, so we are going to get together soon. So that was fun.

Ok stand by for the big post doc appt update tomorrow...I pray we get some help.
Down 65 pounds today...but what does it matter if I feel like this?? It has to get better.

Shrinking Wardrobe

Ok so I am starving and still getting sick alot but I just did my second closet sweep and I have to share. I can not believe the clothes I am getting into. Thank god I saved so much over the years...it's like having a brand new wardrobe every single week. It is CRAZY FUN! I just tried on some jeans that haven't seen the light of day for about 8 years and they fit! Boy that felt good to zip them right up and not even struggle. I had pretty much stopped wearing jeans for the past couple years because I couldnt even get into the top sizes and if I did they looked ridiculous.
I think I mentioned that flip flop skirt I bought in Florida about 6 years ago - a bit small- thinking i would just lose 10 pounds and be able to wear it. Well I never did, and it still had the tags on. I've been wearing it for a few weeks now- and its getting too BIG! I am trying to stay on top of the closet because if I dont catch a size at the right time- I am blowing by it. This is truly a foreign experience to me but oh yes I am enjoying it! It does kill me packing up all my old fat clothes- even though they are big- they are gorgeous- and expensive- I never skimped on clothes. I just hope someone can enjoy them.

Nick had a swimming lesson this morning in our pool- kind of a flop...he didnt want to take his swimmies off so he just practiced doing all the stuff he's been doing but we didnt make any progress. The good news is the girl who came over is great and she babysits! So it will be a nice backup if my inlaws are busy. Of course she's leaving for college in a few weeks...but she promised to stay in touch for school breaks and summer. I wish I had met her sooner. Nick really liked her- I think he had a bit of a crush! It was too cute.

Well we are off to Au Bon Pain in search of soup. I did have something new this morning- half of a Vita-Top Blueberry Bran muffin- yum. It felt a bit heavy but not too bad.

Quote of the Day
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." ~Robert Anthony

Mamma Mia...Here I Go Again.

Went to see the Mamma Mia movie with my friend Deb in CT last night. It was seriously over the top but I LOVED it! What a fun summer escape...the singing and dancing were hysterical. So funny to see Meryl Streep in this role...she looked like she was having the time of her life. If you go be sure to stay through the credits- a riot!

We are having a great girls weekend...shopping, hanging at the pool and taking her dog Max for nice walks. It's definitely been strange not doing what we used to do...eating, drinking, repeat. But it's been better than expected. Despite a few setbacks. I got sick just before the road trip and almost had to cancel..so glad I made it down.

I am really having a tough time. I feel like I am getting sick (rarely actually vomitting) but just really uncomfortable and bad pain for anywhere from a half hour to 3 hours every time I try ANYTHING new or stray from my "safe"food list, which basically has never progressed past the soft food list. I can not tolerate eggs, meat, bread, fruits veggies protein shakes or any of the good stuff i should be having! Its maddening.

The most frustrating is that some foods I think I am safe with are now starting to backfire on me, like soup. I have been living on it and all of a sudden i got sick from it Friday just before leaving town. Only difference is I ate a raisin- ONE raisin while making Nick's lunch and then had my soup right after and i got really sick- in agony for 2 hours with pain and burping and feeling like i am going to throw up but cant. Could one lousy raisin have done it?

Fri night had 1 small slice of California Pizza Kitchens thin and crispy white pizza. I was nervous about the spinach so i picked it off and everything was fine- no problems. Saturday i had about a half of 1 slice but i ate the spinach- very small amount....and you guessed it- I spent an hour in the bathroom with dry heaves. I cant live like this anymore. I am so bummed out. I am down 60 pounds (incl pre-op loss) and i want to be happy about it- but i am terrified to try anything new and its impossible to take part in daily life. I thought by now I would be able to go out and have some chili or shrimp cocktail and be satisified...but they have both made me sick. It doesnt seem like this is normal. I feel like someone is punching me in the chest when i eat and it takes my breathe away.

I do have a doc appt on Friday so I am anxious for that and to get some answers. I have called the office twice in the past month about this- asking for a scope to check for a stricture and both times they talked me out of it and said there is no way i have that since i am able to keep some things down (yogurt, cheese and crackers, tuna salad, peanutbutter and rice cakes, protein bars) but this just seems strange to me.

They told me everyone is different and just because they say we can go to a full diet at 8 weeks doesn't mean everyone is ready and to wait it out. This is all so BIZARRE, its like if i were on a "diet" i would go out and order a nice salad with grilled chicken and it would all be fine- but i am so scared to do that! I wont even touch chicken after the experiences i have had, and i dont know when i can eat salad? I have heard raw fruits and veggies are very hard to digest and someone said dont bother trying til 6 months out. I have alot of questions for my appt on Friday.

Last night we went to a Tapas bar and I had 1 tiny grilled sea scallop and 2 bites of grilled mahi mahi. That was fine- so I was happy. I was dying for a drink though. It was such a gorgeous night and they had pitchers of blood orange margaritas and i was salivating. If things were going better with the food side i mgiht have tried a sip to see what it was like, but i just cant go there til i get this resolved.

One of my friends (was it Kathy or Anna?) told me to try and treat this like a pregnancy...give it 9 months to really heal and adapt and by the end it will all be worth it and be so much easier. I thought that was a really good way to look at it. So I am trying to stay positive...but its tough some days. On the upside...Deb and I did some shopping and I bought a new bathing suit- down 10 sizes! That was a great feeling.

Well gonna go take Max for a walk and head home- miss my boys. Can't wait to see Nick and bring him the presents Auntie Debbie bought him in Hawaii including a volcano he can erupt in the tub- he''ll be thrilled- thanks alot Deb!:)

9 Weeks Status Update

*Problems/Concerns/Questions for my appt with Dr. Ameri:

-Feel nauseaus in the morning and weak- hard to even sip water for at least an hour
-Food intolerances- see below
-Calorie intake vs. exercise calorie burn
-Vitamins- how far apart Flintstones and Tums?
-Scars- seem very big and red- will they fade and why so big?

*Foods that make me sick:

-All protein powders- have tried several brands and flavors and the lactose free types
-Eggs- 2 or 3 tiny bites- fine 1st day, felt sick 2nd day- vomited and sick for 3 hours 3rd day –
-Boars Head lean turkey breast - fine first day- put mustard on it the next and was so sick at work for hours
-1 mini meatball – ate half of it- violently ill and vomiting for 3 hours
-Clam chowder- fine the first night I had it- 2 bites for lunch next day – sick for 2 hours and then vomited 1 tiny clam
-Lean turkey chili- sick for 2 hours at work
-Mashed potatoes and oatmeal- don’t get sick but very uncomfortable from just 1 or 2 bites so don’t bother having them

Everytime these episodes occur I get way behind on my fluids and protein because I am so sick to my stomach and cant have a thing for hours. I am also terrified of trying new foods now and am very discouraged. I don’t know how to advance.

*Sick Symptoms:

-Severe pain and pressure in my upper center stomach
-Cant catch my breathe- gasping for air most of the times it happened
-nausea/feel like I have to be sick
-burping, want to be sick but can’t usually

*Foods I tolerate well (if I don’t have an episode from new foods)

-Whole grain pancake with sugar free syrup- go figure
-Crispy bacon
-Bretton mini crackers with peanutbutter
-Babybel cheese
-Mini rice cakes
-Grilled Tilapia- so so- can only have a couple small bites
-Yogurt no fruit chunks
-Soup- vegetarian only- still pureed
-Pudding
-Sugar free pops
-South beach protein wafer thin bars
-Tuna salad
-Baked Morning star farms veggie “chick” patties with dip
-Baked tortilla chips with Guacamole and salsa
-Isospure clear for my protein drink- have about 1 bottle day =40 grams pro

*Exercise:
-Walking 30 mins a day minimum most days/swimming/latin aerobics 1 hour a week
I want to do more but nervous about my calorie intake/output

*Improvements:
-More energy
-Knees and feet don’t hurt walking up stairs anymore (Plantar Fascitis gone)
-Sleeping much better- not waking up all night to go to the bathroom
-Incontinence gone
-Sharp pain I used to get in my side all the time- gone
-Migraines gone
Down 10 sizes
Lost 35 inches
Lost 60 pounds
BMI down 10 points- no longer morbidly obese
I can see my face now instead of a puff ball
No more hangovers!
Finally quit the caffeine and diet soda addictions and feel so much better
Keeping up with my 3 year old and loving it!

Vacation Rollercoaster

So I mentioned last time that I think I am doing better when I dont think to blog as often. Scratch that. I am finally feeling better so I decided to write about my experience last week which was not good.

Basically I had started my first week of a soft solid diet. I had a couple bites of scrambled eggs the first day, no problems. The second day, I think I drank some water too soon after eating and I was really uncomfortable and had alot of pain in my chest. I went to Curves for my initial consult and had to leave before doing a work out because I was in too much pain and I thought I was going to throw up. That passed after about an hour. So a few days later I tried the eggs again, thinking- now I wont drink anything for at least an hour after. Well I dont know what went wrong and I definitely can't explain it...but I had a horrific episode. I had 3 bites max and I mean tiny bites- maybe a quarter of a scrambled egg and 2 bites of toast, which i had before made dry and crispy like they said. About a half hour later (no liquids) I started feeling funny and knew I was going to have a problem. So I prepared myself for the usual pain and discomfort knowing it usually passes in about a half hour. Well no such luck this time. The pain kept getting more intense and finally it was unbearable. We were out doing errands and I told Lew to bring me home. I felt like I was going to be sick but I couldnt get anything up. So it had been 2 hours at this point and I decided maybe a sip of water would help me either push it down or throw it up because something had to give. Bad idea. The only way I can describe what happened next is I had this sensation of drowning inside my body. After consulting with some online fellow post ops, I think the toast and egg made a paste and blocked the entrance to my pouch. So it was still sitting there when I sipped the water. So the water had nowhere to go and started to come back up. This was absolutely terrifying. I could not catch my breathe and the pain was second only to the ear infection I was hospitalized for in 2005. It was actually worse than my post op surgery pain and that was no picnic. I wanted to throw up so bad but nothing would move and I was flailing my arms gasping for air at the kitchen sink, thinking this is it- I am gonna die right here and I cant even make it to the door to tell Lew I need help or the phone to call 911. I was paralyzed with fear and just trying to breathe but i couldnt do it. It lasted about 30-45 seconds and then I was able to take a shallow breathe. But forget it I was a goner at this point. I was hysterical.
I called Dr. Ameri's office and they paged him and told him I ate 2 ENTIRE SCRAMBLED EGGS for breakfast. She called me back and said he wanted me to go to the ER and that I had stuffed my pouch too much. I was like- 2 EGGS are you insane? I couldnt eat that if my life depended on it. I couldnt even eat 2 bites of egg!
So by the time she called me back I had recovered some and was feeling slightly better. I would have gone to the ER if the original feeling was still there, but I had the foamies and burped alot and I seemed ok. I was shaking like a leaf though and so bummed out about it all.

So that was probably the headline of our vacation week. Overall not a great vaca. I worked 4 days which prob wasn't such a good idea. We stayed home all week which I will never do again either. You need to get away even if its nearby and only for a few nights. I need to be away from the laundry, dishwasher, tv and computers.
We didnt have very good weather either- at least on the days I was home...but we hung out at the pool, took Nick to some fun places and had a small bbq on the 4th which was fun despite the blah weather.

So at 9 weeks out I am down 56 pounds and my diet looks something like this:
Isopure Clear- 20 ounces a day broken up in 4 or 5 servings.
Soup/yogurt/pudding couple ounces of each a day
Bretton mini crackers with Tzaziki dip (to die for- greek yogurt based dip I found at Shaws) and or with 2 ounces of tuna salad
Orville Redenbacker popcorn cakes (carmel or butter flavor)- dipped in peanutbutter
1 Babybel cheese
1 Propel mandarin orange bottle
crystal lite or plain water

So I am having about 500-600 cals a day and at least I can have a few new things, but I need to try more and I am too afraid. I have sworn off eggs obviously. I have to try grilled fish next. I am going to have some tilapia tomorrow. The tuna is the best- I cant believe it has 15 grams of protein in 2 0zs- that's only a quarter cup!
So thank god I can keep it down because I have heard some people cant.

I think I am hanging up my soup chef hat, tried making a bunch of soups over vaca and ended up throwing them all out. Screw it, I am buying the good stuff wherever I can find it. I have to find someplace around here- I cant make it to NE Soup Factor when I am not working. Tomorrow I am gonna scope out Sammy's Deli down the street- Lew says they have alot of soups.

Overall I feel pretty good, still frustrated with what I can eat. It's weird because now I am officially on a FULL diet, which is kind of a joke because when you are pre-op you think, oh if I can just make it to 9 weeks I am home free! But no one tells you it's going to be a LONG time, and maybe never for many items, til you are eating a FULL diet. I think after the egg and toast debacle, I am just happy to be breathing and pain free for this many days in a row. It's going to take a while to get my courage up to try anything new besides the fish which i was supposed to add a week ago.

I found out about a get together in Waltham later this month for pre and post op patients in this area so I am looking forward to meeting some people. This woman is having it at her house and everyone is supposed to bring a dish- now that makes me laugh! Some of the things people are bringing include, kielbasa, burgers and dogs, cheesecake and mexican dip. So I guess there is hope for me down the road. Or maybe those are the pre op people! HAHA!


"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
~ Dr. Seuss