Stage 3 still miss the old me

It's hard to believe I am sitting here writing while eating a scrambled egg and a couple of breakfast potatoes. So far I have had 2 tiny bites of egg and 2 tiny bites of potatoe with ketchup. I am really nervous and taking it sloooowwwwww. If I have a bad reaction you may get to hear about it in real time.

I started Stage 3 today- soft foods, eggs, fish, tuna and egg salad. Thank god because I have had it with my current diet. If I never eat soup, yogurt, pudding, popsicles, hummus, or protein drinks again I will be very happy. It's going to be awhile until I can transition totally so I will prob be stuck with those items for awhile.

I have to say while I am feeling good and looking good, I am still missing my old lifestyle and food desperately. I had a mini melt down this weekend over it...Nick slept over Mimi's and Lew and I had the whole night to ourselves and all I wanted to do was go out to dinner and have some drinks. It was so depressing. When I stay busy with Nick I dont think about it as much but with the whole night looming it was like a huge reminder of what I was missing. I am amazed by the people who have had this surgery who say it's the best thing they ever did and they never looked back etc. I hope I get there some day because I so dont feel that way. I wonder if it's because they were so unhappy and I dont think I really was. I loved my life and one of the greatest pleasures from it was eating and drinking- I am not going to pretend it wasn't. I find the days drag on now and the nights are torture. Eating and all that went with it took up alot of time. We used to spend half the evening at least preparing the food, cooking it, eating it and then cleaning up. I loved having a glass of wine or a margarita while I made dinner and waited for the grilling to be done. I feel like a fish out of water now. I take a few spoonfuls of soup and dinner is over in 10 mins. No prep, no cleanup, that's it.

Diane has been talking to me about this for months and it is finally hitting me. I have to find stuff to do to replace food in my life. We've talked about it, and I had some ideas, but I haven't really had to deal with it til now. I think alot of people replace their food habit with exercise, I dont see that happening to me! I am starting Curves and my dance class but I dont think I will become an addict. Lisa and I have been talking about scrapbooking, which i want to do, but part of me is like- ok my life is truly over now if i start scrapbooking at night! I have to think of something else to do. For the interim, I rejoined Netflix last night. The summer without my shows is adding to the torture at night, so i said screw it i am worth the 8 bucks a month. I had fun picking out all the movies and can't wait for my first one to arrive. I know its kind of lame and not very active, but maybe I can lift weights or do the eliptical while i watch!